Stuff

What do hardships tell us about life and our ourselves? One simple response to the first question is that 'life is hard'; Scott Peck began his book with this very line. In short, life is a series of beginnings and endings, and the jubilation of the mountain top experiences and the despair of walking in the valley. And no matter how hard we try, none of us are perfect, so this infallibility is always the cause hurt and pain.Moving onto to the second question, what do hardships
tell us about ourselves? To me, it highlights the desire we all have. That is to feel good all the time, and for all our relationships to be healthy.
But in light in what I've previously said about life, one would have to ask how realistic this is? Would it be more practical to think that trials and tribulations, and the mountain top moments are the essence of existing. And when one feels depressed, like I have at times this year, we are just merely existing.
However, as a Christian I feel I need to take this sentiment a little further. Perhaps to exist is to be more in the image of God (Gen 1:27) as time goes by. Perhaps there is an art to suffering like Rob Bell tells us, and it involves us changing.

An understanding.

It is only when we experience the extremes of something that we really understand what it is. Take the way we feel as an example, one can only really know what it is to be happy and content when they have been in the depths of sadness and loss. The truth is, times of deep sadness ultimately brings meaning to periods of happiness and contentment for the simple reason that they are such opposite states. And it's for this reason why there is more to these times that meets the eye, seasons of sadness are not only a periods of time to be endured, but they are just as formative as the happy times.

I find myself in one these unhappy seasons at the moment, and it's been a while. There are moments when what I have written doesn't seem all that tangible at all, but I hope it's becoming more of a reality in my life.

Happy New Year!

I always find that at the beginning of a New Year all my long term hopes are so very apparent, I realise all the more that I still haven't found that special person. However, that's Ok, I really don't want that to define me, or my own existence. But there is always that temptation to minimise hope, maybe telling yourself that your better of on your own, or that your time will come. While there may be an element of truth in these, they are not a part of hope, they are just diversions. The thing is, hope is there to be embraced in all its fullness despite all the uncertainties of life. So I hope, this year, that I meet the woman that fits me. Who will stand and work through all the difficulties relationships inevitably bring, and will be honoured by me.
That is my hope for this year, come what may.

Walking in the valley.

There are only a few situations in life where one has an experience that is truly transformative, the circumstances of these experiences vary from person to person but the results stay the same, which are profound. In the last 3-4 years I’ve had what one would call a trans formative experience. It has come through two rather distinct ways, the first being that I have immersed myself in communal living despite great reservations (I’m probably the most introverted person you will ever meet). The second is that I have committed myself to an academic process that has taken all I can give in terms of effort and knowledge, but has totally expanded the way I think about things. Also, it has given me a hunger to learn more and work towards some kind of response to life’s bigger questions. However, as well as these, there were also times of great sorrow, mainly because of the decisions I made, but they were still hard times all the same. But still, these tough times are still as transformative and the good one's because it is in the places that we don't want to go where the meaningful long term changes are made. However, transformative seasons in our lives are only ever temporary, and when I re-visit the place of my most recent one I know that this particular chapter in my life is over, and I’m only left with an abundance of memories which are triggered by the most innocuous of things. But they are all such meaningful memories, that tend to grab me straight away. I can only put this down to the process of coming down from the mountain top experience.

So what happens now it is all over? Well, to avoid living in the past one has to get used to walking in the valley again. For most people the valley consists of daily routine, and issues that come up time and time again. But the valley cannot be a negative thing, it's where all of us spend the majority of our lives, and it still provides opportunities, namely to put what we have learned from the mountain top experiences into action. The valley will also provide suprises along the way, as long as one is open to the work of God in their lives.

It becomes so easy to get involved with what the world has to offer, the latest sports story grabs our attention, the current financial crisis brings concern for the future and strained relationships with people we thought we knew drain us of energy. Then, all of a sudden, something happens that rocks our world. Maybe it's the death of somebody we new, or the onset of serious illness. All of a sudden the pack of cards that was your life comes tumbling down, your perspective changes, and you come to realise that life is 'fragile'. The realisation of this becomes unsettling because we all want security, and without really knowing we have thought that nasty things happen to other people, not us. But now it's unavoidable, tragedy has visited our doorstep and there is no getting away from it. Therefore,it becomes time to live differently, to think about and understand what is really important and focus on these things. Something we should be doing all the time if we were not so complacent, and we didn't take the gift of life so likely. However, if we are fortunate to come out from the other side of this there are things we need to learn, and some home truths that we need to hold onto. This doesn't mean becoming fatalistic, but to live life in a grateful way, knowing that we may not have everything we want (wife, family, own place etc) but we still have something that others do not (health and well being). Moreover, as a Christian I can write this with a hope of things to come, a belief that this fallen world is not the end but the beginning of something new, something so amazing it becomes impossible to imagine. The fact is that I believe in a loving God that can redeem even the most tragic of circumstances, and because of this I can walk in light of the fact that life is fragile (that will never change) but have hope that isn't just wishful thinking.

When there is much uncertainty life can feel like your in the middle of a stormy sea not really knowing which way to go. There can be so many options in terms of what to do next, but they only make your situation seem even more precarious because you have no idea of which one to take. As well as this, what you thought you knew about making good decisions seems to of fallen by the wayside, no longer seeming relevent in your current situation. Therefore, day by day the storm only seems to get worse, and the way to travel seems to become more unclear. But as I write this I realise that the only way through this storm is to focus on the "hear and now", and look for God in the uncertain times. Also, I have to remember that visions for ministry do not form overnight, they take time to develop, even years.

When I read this I realise that this would be my answer to anyone who came to me with the same problem, but this is so much easier to advise than to live out. I guess seasons like this come to us all, where we are not ourselves and cannot apply the promises we proclaim to others to ourselves. But I would add that they are probably the most formative, because perhaps it's only in these times that we become open to the changes that God needs to make in us.

The End.

Lately there has been some endings in my life, only a few months ago i left Bible College and a great multi cultural community which gave me a sense of belonging. Community like this can challenge, but it also can enrich to the point of broadening ones horizons and false one to deal with prejudice you were never aware you had. And only recently, the possibility of a relationship has gone, even though it was the right thing to happen (we were never really going the same way in life) there is a loss of hope to deal with.
Both of these situations highlight the need for transition, from 'what was' to 'what is'. But i ask myself: What is the best way to do that? To cope with the loss of college I've been working 50-55 hour weeks, telling myself that it's good to keep busy, but in reality it was only to avoid facing the loss of community. Also, there were other things i was able to avoid by hiding behind being busy, in particular the fact that the potential relationship with a very special lady was never going to work. So, because of this act of avoidance I'm now facing disappointment that i should of been dealing with months ago. But hindsight is a wonderful thing, because this was not easy to see only a few months ago, so i cannot be to hard on myself about this. But the question remains: what is the best way to approach transition? Well, i would say that there is not an optimum way of doing this because change by its very nature is difficult, when something important in life in finishes it takes time to find ones feet, and find that stability. Maybe to make a transition in a healthy way is to gradually accept your 'new reality' when one feels they have dealt with 'what was'.This, in my opinion would avoid going from the other extreme of avoidance which is to deal with everything head on and straightaway.