Walking in the valley.

There are only a few situations in life where one has an experience that is truly transformative, the circumstances of these experiences vary from person to person but the results stay the same, which are profound. In the last 3-4 years I’ve had what one would call a trans formative experience. It has come through two rather distinct ways, the first being that I have immersed myself in communal living despite great reservations (I’m probably the most introverted person you will ever meet). The second is that I have committed myself to an academic process that has taken all I can give in terms of effort and knowledge, but has totally expanded the way I think about things. Also, it has given me a hunger to learn more and work towards some kind of response to life’s bigger questions. However, as well as these, there were also times of great sorrow, mainly because of the decisions I made, but they were still hard times all the same. But still, these tough times are still as transformative and the good one's because it is in the places that we don't want to go where the meaningful long term changes are made. However, transformative seasons in our lives are only ever temporary, and when I re-visit the place of my most recent one I know that this particular chapter in my life is over, and I’m only left with an abundance of memories which are triggered by the most innocuous of things. But they are all such meaningful memories, that tend to grab me straight away. I can only put this down to the process of coming down from the mountain top experience.

So what happens now it is all over? Well, to avoid living in the past one has to get used to walking in the valley again. For most people the valley consists of daily routine, and issues that come up time and time again. But the valley cannot be a negative thing, it's where all of us spend the majority of our lives, and it still provides opportunities, namely to put what we have learned from the mountain top experiences into action. The valley will also provide suprises along the way, as long as one is open to the work of God in their lives.

It becomes so easy to get involved with what the world has to offer, the latest sports story grabs our attention, the current financial crisis brings concern for the future and strained relationships with people we thought we knew drain us of energy. Then, all of a sudden, something happens that rocks our world. Maybe it's the death of somebody we new, or the onset of serious illness. All of a sudden the pack of cards that was your life comes tumbling down, your perspective changes, and you come to realise that life is 'fragile'. The realisation of this becomes unsettling because we all want security, and without really knowing we have thought that nasty things happen to other people, not us. But now it's unavoidable, tragedy has visited our doorstep and there is no getting away from it. Therefore,it becomes time to live differently, to think about and understand what is really important and focus on these things. Something we should be doing all the time if we were not so complacent, and we didn't take the gift of life so likely. However, if we are fortunate to come out from the other side of this there are things we need to learn, and some home truths that we need to hold onto. This doesn't mean becoming fatalistic, but to live life in a grateful way, knowing that we may not have everything we want (wife, family, own place etc) but we still have something that others do not (health and well being). Moreover, as a Christian I can write this with a hope of things to come, a belief that this fallen world is not the end but the beginning of something new, something so amazing it becomes impossible to imagine. The fact is that I believe in a loving God that can redeem even the most tragic of circumstances, and because of this I can walk in light of the fact that life is fragile (that will never change) but have hope that isn't just wishful thinking.

When there is much uncertainty life can feel like your in the middle of a stormy sea not really knowing which way to go. There can be so many options in terms of what to do next, but they only make your situation seem even more precarious because you have no idea of which one to take. As well as this, what you thought you knew about making good decisions seems to of fallen by the wayside, no longer seeming relevent in your current situation. Therefore, day by day the storm only seems to get worse, and the way to travel seems to become more unclear. But as I write this I realise that the only way through this storm is to focus on the "hear and now", and look for God in the uncertain times. Also, I have to remember that visions for ministry do not form overnight, they take time to develop, even years.

When I read this I realise that this would be my answer to anyone who came to me with the same problem, but this is so much easier to advise than to live out. I guess seasons like this come to us all, where we are not ourselves and cannot apply the promises we proclaim to others to ourselves. But I would add that they are probably the most formative, because perhaps it's only in these times that we become open to the changes that God needs to make in us.

The End.

Lately there has been some endings in my life, only a few months ago i left Bible College and a great multi cultural community which gave me a sense of belonging. Community like this can challenge, but it also can enrich to the point of broadening ones horizons and false one to deal with prejudice you were never aware you had. And only recently, the possibility of a relationship has gone, even though it was the right thing to happen (we were never really going the same way in life) there is a loss of hope to deal with.
Both of these situations highlight the need for transition, from 'what was' to 'what is'. But i ask myself: What is the best way to do that? To cope with the loss of college I've been working 50-55 hour weeks, telling myself that it's good to keep busy, but in reality it was only to avoid facing the loss of community. Also, there were other things i was able to avoid by hiding behind being busy, in particular the fact that the potential relationship with a very special lady was never going to work. So, because of this act of avoidance I'm now facing disappointment that i should of been dealing with months ago. But hindsight is a wonderful thing, because this was not easy to see only a few months ago, so i cannot be to hard on myself about this. But the question remains: what is the best way to approach transition? Well, i would say that there is not an optimum way of doing this because change by its very nature is difficult, when something important in life in finishes it takes time to find ones feet, and find that stability. Maybe to make a transition in a healthy way is to gradually accept your 'new reality' when one feels they have dealt with 'what was'.This, in my opinion would avoid going from the other extreme of avoidance which is to deal with everything head on and straightaway.

From a distance

Wouldn't it be good if we could just stand back from all the uncertainties of life and see our way through them, surely that would make it alot more comfortable. But there are some situations in life which we cannot discern from a distance. What i mean by that is we cannot just stand back from a possibility and try and work out whether it will succeed or not, because to do that only leaves us open to regret. The hard facts of life are that the only real way we can find out if something is going to work is to give it a try, and letting the outcome be what it will. Of course there are no guarantee's that it will work the way you want, and if it doesn't, at least the disappointment is tempered with the knowledge that you gave it a try.

Being a rather reflective person i occasionally find myself going over the reasons why I'm a Christian.However, this is not to say I've lost my faith, it is more along the lines of giving reasons for the hope we have in Christ. But before i give those reasons it is important to highlight what has prompted this line of questioning, and it is not all that hard to find. Postmodernism has long since provided a challenge to the exclusivity claims of Christianity, but what seems to be more prominent is a form of Modernism (a reaction to Postmodernism) which comes from the naturalistic scientific community. Their basic tenant seems to be that all things have a perfectly rational explanation, and those who don't, or in other words need an element of faith can only be looked upon as wish fulfillment or a refusal to face reality.So this raises the question why I have a Christian faith instead taking a reductionalistic worldview based on the data that seems to be so apparent? Well, it is hard to explain the basis for one's worldview in just one short blog entry. However, there is one particular slant i would like to take on this, and it's something that I've been thinking about alot lately, that is what makes us human. In my opinion, the one thing that makes us truly human is relationship, particularly our ability to love and relate to friends and family. As a result of this ability to love others we sometimes sacrifice our own happiness or comfort for the benefit of those we love. But there is no rational explanation for this, we do loving acts because we want to and because we are in touch with a greater good. Therefore, one of the most important parts of being human cannot be explained rationally, and surely cannot be dismissed because it is a prominent part of all of our lives whether we believe in God or not. The Metaphysical (what cannot be explained) is one of the greatest challenges to the reductionalist worldview.

Change

To say that change is a part of life is stating the obvious, life is dyanmic and all things are temporal, experience teaches us that. But i wonder if there is a healthy way to approach change, beyond just embracing and accepting it. If there is one thing i've learnt is that change can bring about better things, but it can also highlight loss, particularly in terms of relationships. Change will inevitably highlight what was good about our relationships and circumsatnces,and subsequently make us miss them even more. Therefore, in the process of change, it is equally important to work through loss than it is to embrace our new circumstances. This means finding the middle ground between not hanging onto 'what was' and not letting things just move on and just focusing on the future. When working through loss in a natural way one will realise that people who have gone from our lives are going onto something good, and that is a reason to be happy.

It's Tough

Sometimes I think about the big decisions in life and wonder how much of them are down to Gods will and what our responsibility is. At this stage of my Christian journey i would have to say that my view on how God directs our lives has changed, but let me emphasise that first and foremost I still think he does. However, i would like to use the analogy of parents in the process of bringing up their child to explain what i think.
In the beginning, when the child is most vulnerable the parents will make all their decisions,which would be expected. But as the child gets older the parents gradually begin to teach the child about actions and consequences, and it is on this basis they begin making their decisions. And then we get to the teenage years followed by young adulthood where they are gradually given some Independence to make their own decisions, which usually culminates in them leaving home and facing the big wide world armed with the lessons from growing up. This means that life is now their responsibility, but the love and input from the parents still remains.
I wonder if there is an element of this in the Christian life as well, where God instills certain values and then lets us take more responsibility as we get older (spirituality). Of course there is still the scope for making bad decisions, but maybe they aern't because of lack direction from God, but down to the fact that we really should of known better. You may ask why i am saying this, and it would be a very good question. But all i can say is that God has instilled in me certain values, which include mission and working with other people ,and it is down to me to explore what that means in terms of the rest of my life. When i ask God about the big issues of life i have no specific indication either way, but from the way God has shaped and moulded me I at least know the direction I should be heading.

Ok Then

Sometimes in life there are glimpses of things that could be good, but in that moment in time are not meant to be, maybe not at all (only time can tell). So how does one approach this situation? Well, there are only two real options, the first being avoidance and the second is to embrace it and seize the day. Surely the only viable option is the latter, particularly if you connect with that person. Because it is in that connection where you can learn from one other, and have your pre-conceptions challenged. Going back to the first option, that is avoidance, it may seem like a good way of avoiding pain but it isn't the mature option. Scott Peck once wrote that a good measure ones mental health is how one faces reality. We have to accept that life can be hard, and that the denial of that fact (by avoiding things) only delays the inevitable realisation. I understand that i may be sounding a little fatalistic, but that isn't what I'm trying to do. In my opinion, we can only really start living life properly when we step out, take the risk and live with the consequences. That is true living.

Fear

The emotion of fear is a powerful one which can affect us on many different levels. For instance, it can have great bearing on how one makes their decisions, whether it be in the everyday or the life changing ones . It can also inhibit the growth of relationships, and sometimes ruin ones that initially showed great promise. However, it is suprising how much damage fear can bring when you think about it's essence. The center of fear is the unknown and a complete sense of subjectivity, this is what we find in the realm of fear. So with this in mind, is fear something we should just be living with? I know alot of people do, including me. So this begs the question is there a way out?

One does not have to look far for an answer, because I have always been told that security is in the realm of truth. And we can find promises in scripture that can give one a foundation to face this fear. But that, in my opinion is the first stage. With this secure foundation we find in God we can face these fears in a practical way, that is facing the worst thing that can happen to us and then living with them. But living with the harsh realities of life should not be done in our own strength, but in light of the hope we have in Christ. To be specific it is the hope of this life not being the end, but the beginning of something new which is beyond are comprehension.

To forgive is a revolutionary act

It becomes easy to preach forgiveness when something dreadful has not come our way, because we are not the ones who need to deal with the mind numbing shock and the intense pain that inevitably comes after tragic circumstances. So why do we forgive? Is it just a moral imperative that really has no lasting consequences but only serves to make us feel better about ourselves or the person who has wronged us.



I would say that it is alot more than that, not because countless preachers have told me to do so or verses in scripture that exhort us to (good reasons that they are), but because i have seen forgiveness in it's purest form in the most tragic of circumstances.
The story I'm about to tell can only be described as an act revolutionary forgiveness, and it goes as follows:



.....On 2nd October 2006 a rather disturbed man walked into a Armish School and shot and killed 5 young girls and wounded 7 before turning the gun on himself. The gunman, Charles Roberts was a rather well respected family man who held down a steady job delivering milk and had constant contact with the Armish community. However, he had never been the same since the death of his youngest daughter 7 years earlier. The tragic sense of loss was to much to handle and all he could do was to blame God, the shootings of October 2006 where a rather sad culmination of spiraling grief and despair. In the aftermath of the shootings the Armish community was understandably in shock, and after attending the funeral of the five little girls there first actions were to acknowledge their own pain but also the need to forgive and reach out to the Roberts family. When it became time for his funeral there were a few of Roberts close family members and approximately 80 members of the Armish attending to pay their respects to Roberts and to comfort his family members..........



Our human nature will always view revenge as the way forward, but it isn't the getting even that is the revolutionary act, it is to forgive in the light of endless wrong, when there is subsequently no reason to do so, just like the Armish community did . What we saw there was a community in grief, being open and honest (authentic) about their pain but showing a forgiving attitude not just in words but actions.

Again, let me emphasise that to forgive is not to deny one's pain, that can be just as destructive as constantly holding onto anger. It is to be authentic about our hurt but having the will to be revolutionary.

What we do not have!

It becomes a real problem in our lives when our focus is on what we do not have, this is something i find happening to me on occasion. What I've found is that when there is a big desire for something it's place in the grand scheme of things becomes distorted , what i mean by that is it becomes more important than it needs to be, almost everything. Why? Because i let it happen.

However, the last thing i want to do is come out with a short, cliched Christian saying to find some way through this, to be honest I've become a little tired of them and can only view them as a short term solution to a long term issue. In my opinion this whole thing is a process of working on ones perspective, which should be shaped by God and the promises we find in scripture but also by myself. I have a choice don't I? It can be either to walk the journey of life with a focus on what i don't have or to walk with a trust in God's Sovereign will that will in turn brings discouragement, but also the good things when the time is right.